Anticipation Disappointed

Anticipation. What an interesting word. It evokes thoughts, feelings and sometimes even physical reactions. You can anticipate wonderful things to come or something horrid like surgery. We all experience this every day. What I find interesting is how different things elicit different levels of anticipation. I also find it interesting how sometimes the anticipation is better than the actual event. I find this to be the case more often than not in my life. You are probably wondering why I am expounding so on this subject. Well let's just say I experienced anticipation so keen that it evoked all three reactions. This event made me think all sorts of realistic and fantastical thoughts. I was excited and nervous and happy and skeptical and awestruck and even attracted. Then I found I had a stomach ache. Sometimes it was just butterflies, but regardless it was enough to make me not want to eat. (Which is rather bizarre for me!) I even couldn't sleep for long periods of time. I have to say, I don't want to feel that kind of anticipation all of the time, but what a rush!

Now here's another word: disappointment. In most ways I think that is the exact opposite of anticipation. And perhaps one of the few things that can crush it. Disappointment can also evoke certain thoughts, feelings and physical reactions. I find it interesting that after 25 hours of this keen anticipation it was stomped out in 20 minutes, to be replaced with frustrating disappointment. I was bored and revolted and frustrated and saddened and bummed and cheated and annoyed. I also thought about how stupid my realistic and fantastical ideas were. The physical reactions seem to be similar too. I am still eating very little, but I seem to be full all of the time. I am just amazed at how quickly something that had such wonderful potential of being everything I had anticipated could be snuffed out. How is this possible? I don't think it should be possible and yet it is.

I realize that I am talking in specific generalizations and that to most people out there this post will make no sense. I wish I was more comfortable sharing my disappointments and yet I am glad that I don't need to share them. I can deal with them on my own, or mostly on my own. I am grateful for the wonderful friends and family that I have. They will never know how much I appreciate them. Whether it's listening to my wonderful news and excitement or patiently letting me vent. They make my excitement greater and my disappointment less. They even know when to tell me that we just need to go out and get a brownie. (From TGI Fridays that is.) At which time this week I just lost it. It was exactly what I needed at the moment. Thank you!

This was quite cathartic. I am in a better place today, not where I was before, but definitely higher than before.